No one warned me how difficult breastfeeding was going to be, or if they did, I didn't hear it.
All I heard was the stories of how lovely and natural it is. How babies, when placed on their mother's chests immediately after birth instinctively wiggle their way to the nipple. For some women and their babies, it is easy right from the start. For my daughter and I....not so much.
Formula wasn't invented until 1867. Women since the beginning of time has been nursing their babies, along with all other mammals. Heck, stray mangy cats nurse their kittens in filthy back alleys without needing assistance. It was knowing all of these things that made me feel awful when I struggled with nursing. Why was I struggling so much with something that was supposed to be so natural?
Minutes after my daughter was born, my midwife put her to my nipple to attempt the first feeding. Eliza thrust her tongue to the top of her mouth and refused to eat. During the first 24 hours the nursing staff kept trying to get her to feed, but she wouldn't latch on and screamed when we tried. Discovered my nipples are considered flat and it was hard for Eliza to nurse. Who knew??? We started using an electric pump for a few minutes before feeding to help draw them out, which helped, but not completely.
I started to worry about whether her body was getting what it needed but was reassured by the lactation consultant in the hospital that she was fine. It was then that I was told the story of the
babies from the Mexico City earthquake of 1985 who were trapped in the maternity ward for 3 days without food and survived. Slowly but surely in my 48 hour hospital stay, we got better and better at nursing. Feedings weren't long by any means, but we were both getting the hang of it.
Then we went home...and then my milk came in. Engorgement only made our latching issues worsen. We had been home for 12 hours, Eliza couldn't eat which meant she was miserable and fussy and screaming her head off. I laid on the sofa with her because it was the only way I could hold her and not fall over from exhaustion or worry about her rolling off the bed. She was crying, I was crying, it was a mess. I was stressed, frustrated, exhausted and feeling guilty about thinking "can we please just take her back?". It was then that I decided to find a lactation support group asap! This was late Wednesday night and there was a group meeting Thursday afternoon at
Carroll Hospital.
The next day my husband took Eliza and I to the hospital. I didn't know what to expect, but walked in looking for help. I cried through my entire first meeting. Every time I looked around the room and saw a mom nursing her baby without an issue I cried harder. At first no one spoke to me, but a sobbing mess in the corner of the room doesn't exactly seem approachable. Eventually, mom's came over to me one by one to tell me that they had been through issues of their own and how they were able to overcome their struggles. Almost every single woman in that room, women who were now nursing like it was second nature, had struggled with some aspect of nursing. It was AMAZING to know that I wasn't alone and that I had somewhere to go where I could be understood. I love my own mother dearly, but she never nursed my sister or I and although she may have wanted to, she wasn't able to help me. The women of the support group were able to help fill that gap!
After the group I met with the lactation consultant, along with John and Eliza. She guided me on adjusting my positions and on giving Eliza more of a chance to latch on. Turns out I was only giving her a minute, sometimes less. It was suggested that I start giving her a full 5 minutes, a real 5 minutes, not the 5 minutes that is actually 59 seconds but feels like 5 minutes when a baby is screaming at you. She also gave me a
nipple shield to use, should we not be able to attain a good latch after those 5 minutes.
In the days following we heeded the advice that was given to us. Instead of letting feelings of frustration instantly take over, I approached each feeding with a calmness which Eliza immediately picked up on. I would sit down to feed and John would time us for 5 minutes. Sometimes in those 5 minutes we'd have a good latch, sometimes not. The entire time I would make eye contact with her and speak to her in a calm voice, saying over and over "it's ok baby, relax". When we didn't, we would use the shield. Those initial 5 minutes were extremely important in us not becoming dependent on the shield. Within 2 weeks my milk volume had leveled out and both Eliza and I had gotten the hang of it. We graduated from having to use the shield.
To this day, whenever possible, I still attend the support group. I love being around other moms and getting to share the encouragement and support with the newer moms that was given to me. Breastfeeding is one of the best decisions I have made, despite the struggles I experienced in the beginning. Support is key. Moms who choose to nurse have to make sure they have a supportive network around them. I asked John, while I was still pregnant, that if I ever came to him and said I wanted to give up on nursing that I needed him to do whatever he could to get me to seek help before giving up, which he did!
I had to keep reminding myself that this was the first time for breastfeeding for BOTH of us, and Eliza and I had to figure it out together. I am, and always will be, a strong supporter of nursing. Below are just a few of the benefits:
- Breastfeeding protects your baby from a long list of illnesses
- Breastfeeding can protect your baby from developing allergies
- Breastfeeding may boost your child's intelligence
- Breastfeeding may protect your child from obesity
- Breastfeeding may lower your baby's risk of SIDS
- Breastfeeding can reduce your stress level and your risk of postpartum depression
- Breastfeeding may reduce your risk of some types of cancer
Just about every hospital has a lactation support group and it doesn't have to be the same one where you delivered! If you have struggles, don't give up, seek help. The feds have actually put out a great free
breastfeeding guide in pdf format and
La Leche League is another great resource. Remember, breastfeeding isn't easy, but it is possible. You owe it to yourself and your baby to at least give it a girl scout's try!
Eliza and I have been nursing for 2 months now and have a goal of making it all the way to her first birthday. I am extremely happy that I chose to nurse my beautiful baby girl and even happier that I didn't give up when things were difficult! I was told this, and it's so true, the first 2 weeks are usually the worst but if you can make it the 2 weeks then you can make it as long as you want!
